Eugene went to the doctor

Said Doctor how do you do

Doctor took one look at Eugene

Said a whole lot better than you

All that smokin' and drinkin'

And those ladies with no names

Are gonna bend you body

Make you go blind

And drive you insane

Well Eugene went to the preacher

He said Preacher how goes my soul

Preacher jumped back about three feet

Said Eugene I don't know

Both or your ears are pointed

And your skin is crimson red

And I can see those horns

As shore' as your born

Growin' out of your head

Ah, shucks he's sure out of luck

Eugene don't stand a chance

Well he never learned to walk

But he better learn how to dance

Yeah, oh oh that's it

He's gonna' get hit

If he don't find a way

He could never swallow pills

And he never learned how to pray

Yeah, Eugene

Eugene went to the men's room

Feelin' like a natural fool

He thought about trying for suicide

But he couldn't get into the stool

He burned a big hole in his britches

Sittin' on a cigarette

He just lost his dime

He wasted his time

And he got himself wet

All of your days are numbered

You can cut your livin' in half

Goin' like crazy ol' Eugene

Just wind up takin' a bath

Black cloud on the horizon

Don't necessarily mean rain

So there ain't no use

To let that abuse

Bring you no pain

Ah, shucks he's sure out of luck

And Eugene don't stand a chance

Well he never learned to walk

But he better learn how to dance

Yeah, oh oh that's it

He's gonna' get hit

If he don't find a way

He could never swallow pills

And he never learned how to pray

Yeah, Eugene

Brewer & Shipley Lyrics